It's Quiet Uptown
by Neitket
Summary: Summery: Peter struggles with the reality of what returning to Narnia has cost him (post LWW) No Slash.


**It's Quiet Uptown**

 **Disclaimer** : I own nothing! CS Lewis, his Estate and Disney own Narnia, and the title is taken of course from Hamilton, by Lin-Manuel Miranda

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The streets of London are rowdy, complicated things with language that he isn't at all used to. The harsh words passed back and forth between people make him want to flinch, but he is better than that – he's learned long ago not to look down on others. The truth is, it gives him a certain stillness, walking this world that used to be so very familiar.

Peter smells the acrid poison of car fumes, inhales it like a drug as a reminder that this is real – that England is not the dream. He doesn't really speak much of Narnia – not to Edmund, who used t be his closest confidant, and not to Lucy, who understands better than most, because it is pointless. Fruitless. Narnia is gone. _Forty years of life_ are gone. Somehow he is back in this child's body, back at the start of all that horror and pain.

He sees the hunger in the faces around him, and feels guilty for having had plenty in Narnia. He watches his siblings rediscover English food – so bland and pale in comparison, and feels guilty for hating the world as it stands.

One night, Peter is perusing the shelves in the Professor's library, when Macready enters. She watches him for a moment – he can see her face in the reflection of the bookcase door – before clearing her throat. "… I lost a husband in the last war," she murmurs, and the blond whirls round, surprised and slightly edgy. He doesn't _want_ to talk about war, and he certainly doesn't want to talk about loss. Macready eyes him a moment longer before continuing. "… he was my life, and he was taken from me; the same way everyone loses something in such times." She pauses and steps closer. "I don't know if I believe all this Narnia stuff, but you have the same look about you, Pevensie, that I did when I lost my Roger."

Peter's throat tightens and suddenly he cannot look at her. He has successfully avoided this topic for a reason – avoided Edmund's concerned eyes and Lucy's murmured questions. Susan is the only one who hasn't tried yet, but for that he is grateful. He tightens his jaw, steadies his emotions and turns back to the Macready, eyes hard. "It's so different," he argues quietly, and almost winces at the bitterness in his own voice.

"Perhaps," Macready nods, calm and patiently. Peter hates her a little for that. "But if nothing else, that makes me believe that… something happened. You children were very different a few days ago. That brother of yours was a troublemaker, your little sister was a spoilt attention seeker, and your sister all hoity-toity," Peter opens his mouth to defend his siblings but Macready interrupts. "… they are different. _You_ are different. And yet the same." She sighs quietly. "Don't really know why I'm bothering telling a child this. But… listen to me, boy. You aren't really a child are you? Not anymore." Peter stares, he's not quite sure what to make of that. "This war kills children, and I think you're stronger than that. So go for your walks, hmm? Take your time and grieve. But remember the living in the meantime. Remember there are those who still hold to you, who still depend on you." She smiles a bit, and Peter is startled at how her face changes in the movement. "Revel in the small things." And with that, she's gone again, with another tray for the Professor.

That evening, Peter goes out for his walk before the air raids start. He does not ignore Edmund's worried look this time; he offers him a small smile and a clap on the back, rewarded with a bright, relieved smile from his brother. He returns Lucy's worried questions with a tight hug and a ruffle of his sister's hair. He buys a small bar of chocolate for the girls whilst he is out, and an orange for Edmund, whose appetite for sweet things had been completely destroyed by Jadis all those years ago. He briskly walks through the park, and when he returns, Peter is pink-cheeked and bright eyed.

That evening, Susan comes to sit next to him, her sewing in her lap. She takes his hand and squeezes it gently. "We were worried about you for a while there," she murmurs, and Peter leans over, kissing her forehead, causing his sister to giggle a bit. "Are you alright?"

Peter smiles quietly, and as Macready enters the room, he gives the woman a soft smile of her own before turning back to his sister. "It's a lot to handle," he admits. "But… I had some good advice from a friend, and I think it's going to be a fair bit quieter uptown for while," He taps his forehead in meaning and Susan rolls her eyes with a smile.

"Thank the Lion,"

The High King pulls his sister closer, and smiles as he watches Lucy beat Edmund at chess with a swift movement of her King. "Yes… thank the Lion for all of you."

 _Finis_

 **Author's N** : I've been away from Narnia for a while, and for some reason listening to the Hamilton soundtrack brought back the muse, so I went with it! I'd love to know what you guys think!


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